Long and difficult Winter

(From the Archive, January 2010)


I've really been quite bad at blogging this past year. It has been indeed a difficult year.

I thought I'd post this experience from another ex-pat to just give yet another indication of how Germany is a bad place for sensitive thinking people, because the people and the rules here will grind you down, and the lack of friendliness of your fellow city dwellers is hardly a pick-me-up. If you rely on other people to give you a boost, do not come to Germany. (EDIT: Friends of course are there, and very very necessary. I was meaning in the context of just random people in shops/streets/social transactions)

Read this little gem:

I had to pay a fine once for littering. An entire bag of rubbish was found about 5 blocks from my apartment building and it was originally from my apartment (they apparently sorted through it and found mail addressed to me). The bag was found on the same day that the garbage truck (whose route went from my building and past the point where the bag was found) collected rubbish.

I had to take off work, go out to a police station on the very edge of town to even find out exactly what the fine was for. Then had to send a certified affidavit explaining that it was likely the fault of the garbage haulers. I explained that for their theory of my littering to be true, that I would have had to carry that bag down 5 stories from my apartment, past the rubbish area in the courtyard, onto the street, then would have had to carry it five blocks, across a square and toss it on the roadway. Because I had been told that I was a lazy foreigner who had chosen to disregard rules for disposal I asked them why, if I am so lazy would I partake in such a long journey to dispose of rubbish that I could have left in my very own building? I even pointed out that the team that picks up the rubbish every week drives down that route and does not close the back of their truck until they get ready to turn back onto the main street.

A few months later I got a letter from the courts telling me that upon investigation it was determined that I had indeed chosen to litter the pristine streets of Nuremberg and would have to pay the 50 euro fine.

I have a few more anecdotes of my own, but instead of giving an account of them, I need to start thinking about my future, and what the next step is. Germany / Canada / Elsewhere is seriously the next major decision I have to make. The thing about Berlin is that it's Neverland - you really never want to grow up when you live here. You also don't really have to.

Going Native

(From the Archive, June 2010)


I was emailing a Canadian friend in Berlin the other day and she asked whether I wanted to meet up for a drink or if I had "gone native" and therefore don't hang out with expats anymore.

Going native. I'm sure most of my friends here will already have the answer worked out as to whether I have gone native. I hadn't thought about this much until that point, strangely, but I think I know the answer as well. I have gone native.

But what does that mean? On a superficial level that would mean learning the local language and becoming fluent in it. Check. That would meaning spending most of one's time with the natives. Check. That would mean having a great fondness for the people and the culture.

...
......

Well. Then I started thinking about it. To say check in that case would actually not be going native, because let's look at it.

- Germans tend to be suspicious of people they don't know
- Germans don't seem to be particularly proud of Germany, in fact they tend to be instructed in school (probably after history class) to not be proud to be German. People who are get looked at strangely, and often quickly judged as nationalistic.
- Germans bark at you if you are doing something wrong.

Nobody can be proud of that. Nobody can be fond of that. Not even my German friends. Maybe I have become German. It goes further.

When I'm on the train I hope for and expect a quiet, peaceful ride to wherever I'm going. Last night on the train back from Potsdam (where I was informed that people checking up on your 'correctness' is far worse than in Berlin) there was a group of drunken Poles (and other random exchange students), making a good amount of noise, and laughing. Laughing. Can you believe that? They were laughing. Have they no respect for others and their right to peace and quiet? Can you believe people laugh? And what made them even more embarrassing, they were laughing from the belly. One of those laughs that people say you can start crying or wetting your pants, it's that funny. No, how rude. Nothing can be that funny. Laughing like that doesn't exist here, the people must have a screw loose. Can't they control themselves, that's outrageous!

When people tell me they'll come 'round at a certain time and they don't... what a lack of respect. How can people be late? That's just hard to fathom.

When someone tells me they'll do me a favour then completely forget, or never really meant it, meanwhile I'm planning my whole week around it. Have they no shame?

When somebody tells me "nice to see you" and yet during the whole evening they don't find a minute to chat. How nice is it to see me? Just to see me, or also to talk?

Have I gone native? The answer lies in the statement: "Stephen, we don't know if you complained like this before you got here, but you're pretty much the most German non-German we've ever met."

Well you don't have to add insult to injury!

xD (i tried to blur the line between sarcasm and reality as much as possible here...)

A German Office that for once hasn't turned me racist

(from the Archive, November 2008)

Yes, I know some of you like to see me as the negative guy, the complaining guy, the old man, the chip off the old block, and so on, but let me say the amount I am content - HAPPY even - is most of the time. I just hide it well and I admit I complain more when I'm single and nobody except my mother loves me. :p

 Now this last little while has been difficult, as a lot of shit hit the fan at the same time, and I don't deal well with sudden changes. Takes a few days to adjust. It's worse now that I'm single again, and don't have that special someone to give me the hug and kiss that makes me able to take on the whole world at once.

I was dreading the visit to the Foreign Office to get my visa renewed. Dreading it. I've got the basic opinion of German offices, and have had for most of my duration, that it can never be easy, EVER, and one should always be prepared to go back one or two times because for whatever reason what they want was not listed on any reasonable website, infosheet, and so on. So you always go somewhere with a "what is it going to be this time?" attitude, despite behaving like a serf to a king, even though to the best of your knowledge you've got everything you thought you needed.

I actually went last Thursday, when the office opens at 10am, and got there at 10.30am to find myself already 80 places behind the current number getting called. So, being in Germany long enough I know how to blame myself for everything and will take that as my fault. Fine.

So I went back today. The office opens at 7am. I woke up at 5.30am, had an espresso, hopped on my bike and over I went, arriving at 6.20am. There were already 40 people in front of me, waiting for the office to open.

Some old guy comes out, presumably for a smoke break. I think he was just sort of a general "get people to where they need to go" kind of guy working there. Funny, even when some Germans are trying to be helpful, you don't detect a hint of it in the tone of voice. This guy could have been shouting "Leave your luggage on the platform, it will follow you along in the next train." and it would've sounded the same. But yes he was just trying to help people know where they should be once the doors open.

Doors open. I line up to take a number. People start pushing and shoving to get to the number ticket machine. Acting like animals or spoiled children, jumping queues, etc. Some older lady just tried to push herself to the front of the line, I'm like "yo, you gotta wait like the rest of us, who have been here since 6am." and so on. She pushes the button for what would be my ticket, so I box her out, take my ticket, she grumbles, I walk away with a clear conscience. Screw that. We're in the land of Order and Justice, now get the feck in line, mama.

But German offices. They give me clammy hands because I'm nervous they're going to point the dreaded finger of discipline at me for something I inadvertently missed / forget / couldn't find info about. Waiting is a pain.

8am comes around. Number gets called. I hand in my various required paperwork. I even brought extra stuff that wasn't listed on the website, but was in fact - mysteriously - required. (They wanted proof that I have health insurance, which ironically runs out next week but they don't know that because it says on my card - valid until 2012. The card that is, not the insurance.)

Paid my fee, which was half of what I thought ( I guess visa extensions are half-price), came back, still expected something to be wrong, and the guy just said "Here it is, giving you a year to finish your degree, plus a bonus semester if you need it, and after that you'll have to come back with some other paperwork if it's taking you longer." I think he just said that because my Canadian Passport expires the day after my german visa does and that was probably just easier.

But I got it. I walked out of the office like I'd just won the lottery. I felt relief like I hadn't had sex in 6 months. I sang all the way home on my bike, under a nice blue sky, and with a nice cool breeze. I have the rest of the week off, and it's all smooth sailing now. Just have to sort out health insurance. It's a good, albeit delirious day.

Many Greetings!

The German version of God has a sick sense of humour

(from the archive, December 2008)
I was getting ready to go to work this morning, putting the final touches on a package I needed to send by UPS back to the Internet shop that sent me the defective crap I obviously had no interest in keeping, when I said to my girlfriend:

 "Do you know that it's got to the point with me that when I have to do anything in Germany that involves anything to do with people at a desk, I assume it can never be easy and I'll most likely get blamed for something? And I mean, NEVER easy?? And now it has nothing to do with me not being able to speak German?"
 - Ha ha (whatever).

 So I'm on my way to work this morning, package in hand, perfectly packed, all the stickers and stamps on it. Everything. If they can't deal with this, they need to be put down.

Never mind that. I'm in the subway, and the ticket checkers come on board. Now, being a student I have a transit pass, but of course the fine print says I need a valid photo ID along with this piece of paper. But, you know, I think maybe in the past year I've been asked twice for an accompanying photo ID, despite having my ticket checked almost daily. Now, due to that I removed an old photoID student card this very weekend from my wallet because I thought it was taking up space, take a wild guess what happened on my way to work.

"Tickets please"
- Here.

"You know you have to have a photo ID along with this?"
-Technically, yes, but nobody ever asks for that.

"Well, I am."
- Let me re-phrase that. You seem to be the only person with such a strong prussian mentality so to care about a photoID, when it's rather clear I'm a student.

"Do you have a photo ID ?"

-Excuse me, but let's ask ourselves why rules are made. This particular rule was made to facilitate one confirming their identification. If I could just show you right now my bank card, my credit card, my health card, my signature, my canadian birth certificate, and last but not least, my canadian accent when speaking german... although I don't have photo ID on me at the moment, I think it's clear we can establish my identity.
"These are the rules. I need to see photo ID."

-Well then, go on and get your pen out because I don't have any with me.

So she starts writing things down, as her colleague comes over to help out. I then proceeded to take the mickey out of both of them, since they insisted on being such unreasonable german robots. I at least got the attention and praise of the entire train car during this spectacle. The following got a lot of laughs from a lot of folk, because despite people putting up with the german bureaucracy, many are annoyed by it and enjoyed someone putting up a (somewhat futile) fight:

"Do you realize how much bureaucracy you're creating at the moment over this?"

"Could I just once ask you to think reasonably about this situation?"

"Yes, I'm really quite surprised it took you so long to find out my master plan. I immigrated to Berlin so I could fake the identity of canadian students, take their accent as well, just so I can ride the subway for free. My god, you cracked the mystery! And this is just what, your first day? I mean, it must be your first day if you're being so strict. Nobody else is so strict."

(After taking down my details in duplicate) "May I offer you a blood sample? I mean, we do need to be thorough."

She then proceeded to call some office to verify my student details. Of course, I couldn't be found in their database. She had some telephone conversation to the effect of:

her: "... no no. o-b-r-e-n-n-a-n, not E-n."

me: "it has to do with the apostrophe, it always does."

her: "no no, A-n. and then Stephen. Siegfried, Thomas, Eberhart, Peter, Hans, Entschuldigung, Nervig"

me: " Look, in Germany I'm O'Brennan, I'm O Brennan, I'm OBrennan, I'm Obrennan, I'm Brennan, hell, I'm even von Brennan. It's not easy and you're trying to penalize me because you don't want to accept that I really am who I say I am because your rules are that you need to see a photo, and you're not allowed to think." (I was kinda pissed off at this point and thought they deserved it. Them and everyone like them, who harass frequent passengers instead of using the power of... deduction!")

"Please step out of the train, sir." I was practically applauded for my rebellion by the other passengers and was wished good luck by many. If you've lived in Berlin, this was quite an event!

What then happened was a mystery. I had helped them fill out 2 forms, put my signature on them, had up until this point thought I was going to get a ticket which you can dispute and not have to pay, but involves going across town and showing them your photo Id, getting a stamp, maybe two, leaving 3 hours later, and further ruining your opinion of Germans and their fucked up robotic ways. (Does not compute.)

No, they said to me: "The people we contacted couldn't find your info, meaning where you're registered with the police (they never asked about that on the phone), so instead of making "more bureaucracy" as you put it, by taking you down to the police station like we should, we're going to let you go."

"Whoa whoa. Wait a minute. After all this shit, I don't get so much as a receipt? Not even a single stamp somewhere? Anywhere? No stamp?"

-No. But obviously, bring photo ID with you next time.

So, I just went through a 20 minute song and dance, to have them be foiled by their own (faulty) record-keeping system, and then they try to make me feel scared, like they're going to call in the police next time.

And here's where God has the twisted sense of humour: At the station, I walked out and over to the UPS office, put my package on the counter, gave him another piece of paper, he stamped it, signed it, took the package, smiled, and said cheerily: "Gut." (good)

"That was it? (no blood sample?)"

- Yup. Have a nice day!

20 seconds, in and out.

So although technically it was easy (the UPS stuff), it still wasn't easy? Where do you draw the line? I think I'm in love with UPS now, and detest anything "organised" in Berlin because it's always f*cked up. Always. Sometimes I think the high taxes in this country go to support the bureaucracy, because without taxes paying for bureaucracy, there would be a lot of semi-retarded, paper-pushing people out of work. And unemployment is already 13% around here...

Mann!? Das kann nicht sein

(from the archive, October 2007)

I've said it before, but let me write it again differently. Germany would be the best place on earth to live... if you're GAY. But for me, I stick to my guns - right now I'd rather have a beer and a kebab than a german girl.

 I think I'll start a list of words that I don't think I could ever by default associate with german women:

Warm, interesting, sexy, abstract-minded, compassionate, uncomplicated, laid-back, funny (but you know, REAL funny, not German funny).

 I'm now basically describing my dream girl above. You can ask me why I'm so cheery at the moment if you're that interested. Anyway, I think I'll get more warmth this winter by curling up to a pretty lump of glowing coal that I've taken out of my stove, then I would by wasting my breath making boring conversation with a german girl, though that is what they seem to like. Great.

Bureaucracy!

(from the archive, September 2007)

What would Germany be without a little bureaucracy now and again? Alright, I love living here in Berlin but you can't imagine the level of bureaucracy that exists here. One can spend an entire day sorting out bureaucratic things.

 For example, in order to get my Internet username/password at my new Uni, so I can register for some courses, I need to go to my old university to 'Check out' (and of course, never forget the piece of paper that confirms everything), then go to another office at the Uni, get another piece of paper that should in principle be printable right there, but I have to wait 14 days for it, just for them to tell me I've written one exam that isn't relevant to my new Bachelor degree, then go across town to the Health Insurance office, so that they can make an 'official' copy of my passport, and then give me yet another piece of paper that says 'Yes, I pay health insurance and it's up to date', then take all of these things again across town to my new Uni to say - here it is, and for them to say "Gut. Danke. Please wait 14 days to get a piece of paper that says username: sauerkraut1979, password: nevereasyisit" By this time, most of the courses will have been signed up for, possibly booked up, leaving me taking all the boring courses that start at 8am, just because nobody told me (or wrote me) that these things are all important so to get this username/password crap. So now I'm scrambling, last minute, to get all this junk done. Even though I've paid my student fees, which is really the important part. Why would I pay fees if I didn't intend to study there...?

 Maybe Germans should just go back to their old system from 60 years ago where they just tattooed a number on your arm.

 Another interesting fact about German bureaucracy - did you know that Berlin has over 400,000 trees in it? AND, did you know that each one of these trees is accounted for in some government office? The trees in Berlin have number tags on them. Not joking. If I called the Fire Dept. and said "Tree number 243,576 is on fire." They would likely not need any directions, since the tree is already in some database somewhere. "Oh right, we know exactly where that is. Poor old tree, he's lived a good long life, etc. Did you know that tree's been there since 1951? It was planted by a Herr Forstmaier, and reportedly no abnormal conditions surrounding the treeplanting, and so on..." Anyway, it's at least something Germans will joke about as well, so at least you get some sympathy, but it's actually mostly laughing (you poor bastard you).

Wait, yes, I think Germans ARE Evil!

(from the archive, July 2007)

OK, living here in Berlin, sometimes I wonder about how these people (rather their grandparents) could have been involved in the holocaust / second world war. What cultural aspects play a role here? How is the mentality of the people working exactly? and so on.

 Today I really started to put a few pieces together, as I WAS WOKEN UP FOR THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE DAY IN A ROW AT 6.45am by construction workers jackhammering and drilling, who have now been otherwise f*cking the dog for well over a year now, and there is still no end in sight. They start at 6.45am, and finish at about 10.30am. Not kidding. Quiet as a mouse right now outside.

 So I just starting thinking, looking at the situation, drawing upon my historical understanding of Germans, my stereotypical understanding of Germans, and now my practical understanding of Germans, and I think the German Way is actually to make a whole lot of rules, and if you operate within those sets of rules, you are actually entitled to be as cruel as you want to be. For Germans, it's even expected. When I explained this situation to my german friends, and how i'm going to try to appeal to someone about this, they just laughed at me and said "Good luck!"

 Why? "Well, in Germany it's legal to start construction work at 7am."

 Hmmm, what about this, Heinrich? In Germany it's also legally allowed to be nice. It's also legal to manage a project better, so there's no loss of progress while keeping all parties involved happy? 

Nonono, it's legal to start work at 7am and work until 8pm. So after I complained to the foreman, they started at 6.45, and now work for approximately 3-4 hours doing the loudest possible shit, leaving the rest of the day totally free for people to sleep.... except those people are all at work barking at other people over unimportant shit that was found to be irritating cuz they only got 3 hours sleep and can only think about doing that, but if it wasn't for those cruel and twisted German fucking construction workers, then perhaps a person could get their life sorted out, and also enjoy a beer with friends without feeling guilty for being out past 11.30pm. It's one thing to be doing this stuff for a short construction project, but they've been here for a year already! I've only been here 2 months and I can stand it anymore. I'm starting to think about moving out, because I suppose these assholes are gonna be picking their asses for another year.

 I can see my German friends right now having a chuckle over this post as well. Why? Because you're EVIL.

Egocentricity of the Female, Case 2

A girl, who totally caused the meltdown of her relationship by not being able to look at herself from another point of view to see what strains she was continually putting on the whole thing, was not invited to the wedding of her ex-boyfriend's best friend. (It was at the ex's request, I mean, why should she be there? She knew them through the ex.)

Said girl then emails the bride and gets upset at her that she wasn't invited and that it's totally shitty that everyone got to have fun together, but not her.

Doesn't see her role in that playing out the way it did and can't understand that she is not the center of the universe, and although it sucks, it should be comprehensible as to why she's not invited. Nope. Self control is lost and tantrum ensues.

Egocentricity of the Female, Case 1

A German girl goes to my friends' wedding. As she's leaving she says to the bride, on her wedding day, snidely:

"Thanks for going out of your way to avoid talking to me all night."

Fails to see that the bride and groom are slightly more important today and that their happiness should be her happiness. (She also made her husband push the stroller around all night, not drink, and drive the car, despite the husband being closer friends with the groom, and the bride for that matter. But this is another story).

I had to Pretend to be Gay to get a Blood Test

(From the archive.... Friday, August 07, 2009)

I tried to give blood for the second time today. They wouldn't take it. I'm telling you, anything involving a German behind a desk can never be easy as a foreigner. They are pre-programmed, and not allowed to think.  Furthermore, the idea of customer service here is a fucking joke. Pardon the swearing but it's truly warranted.

 Yesterday I get on my bike, ride 20 minutes to a blood donation centre. The website gives you all the information you need to find your way there. Linked maps, etc.

 I get to the centre. Had to pull a ticket for the waiting room. Fine. Organised. We like organised. 

"Have you given blood here before?"
- No.
"Have you given blood before?"
- No.
"How much water have you had to drink in the last little while?"
- I dunno. Cup of coffee, glass of water last night?
"What have you had to eat?"
- You know, I had a big lunch yesterday and didn't get to dinner.
(markedly bitchy tone) "Well then we can't take your blood, you have to have eaten more and have drank 2-2.5L of water"
 - (in customer mode, trying not to react to said bitchy tone in disbelief that someone in a "service" role can be such a goddam cow. Polite, yet fuming internally) Very good. Might I make a suggestion - I could have saved myself a lot of time, and wouldn't be a few hours late for work now if it had occurred to someone to put on your website that these things are important pre-conditions before you can give blood.
 (Now she's getting really bitchy, and acting like a helpful suggestion is an insult) "Well we can't help you"
- Look, since I've already come all this way, can we not take a blood sample to at least know if my blood is even good enough to donate?
"Ah, well we won't take your blood if your only reason for donating is to get a free blood test."
- Excuse me, but the last time I checked, blood is blood. Does a dying person care about the motivating factors behind the donation or do they just care about getting blood? (really wound up now)
"Well we can't help you. You need to go to Tropenzentrum at Gesundbrunnen where they'll do this free for you."
-Tropenzentrum? (here you have to understand that I've never heard that word before in German, and it sounds a lot like Truppenzentrum. Truppen is german for troops.)
 (impatient) "Tropenzentrum. And I won't give you information, that you'll have to look up on the internet yourself."
- OK, um, but I don't understand this word Tropenzentrum. Tropen, like, Soldiers?
 "No, TROPEN."
- All I hear is Truppen. Could you please write that down for me? ( Donation centre is empty and therefore not busy at all)
"TROPEN"
- Ja good. Look, I'm not German, I have no idea how to write what you're telling me because I can't even hear the difference between tropen and truppen.

 So finally she writes it down, acting like I totally put her out. A SERVICE POSITION. I was really thinking about murder at this point, or at least shaking these fuckwits until they finally wake up and realize what their job is, and that common courtesy instead of barking at people goes a long way. There are a lot of people in Germany (well, I can only speak for Berlin) who are like this and annoy me to no end. You also have to understand the larger context. This is not at all a one off. Here and here I get back to work, google Tropenzentrum Gesundbrunnen, and get no results. So, the info she told me was also no help at all. Needless to say I'm more than pissed off at the moment.

 So today I decide, screw those bastards I'll go somewhere else. Another clinic was suggested to me. I get there and they say "donating blood or getting a blood test is not covered by your insurer and will cost around 40Eur." OK, I guess I'm going back to the cow since it wasn't too far anyhow. I get there. Thankfully no cow. This time I get a girl who was very professional and polite and patient, and everything you would hope to expect from someone in such a role. Except for the fact that she's a pre-programmed, behind-the-desk half-robot who's not allowed to think but simply execute orders, all too prevalent in this country.

"Do you have your passport?"
- Thankfully yes, I do. Here it is.
"And now your Meldebestätigung?" (the document that confirms your registered address)
- You have to be kidding, right?
 "I'm afraid not. We can't take blood from people who are not registered in Berlin or Brandenburg."
- Look. Your colleague destroyed my day yesterday due to her manners and general shittyness, and now I'm here again in the hope I might save a dying person's life, and you're giving me bureaucratic bullshit about my blood not coming from the correct province, even though I can show you my student card that shows I study in Berlin, and if I study in Berlin, certainly as a foreigner, it's with all probability that I'm registered here too.
 "Sorry, I need that document" - etc.

(my thoughts as I walk out in disgust) Fucking great. Fucking Germans. Goddam those fucking idiot Germans. Maybe it's the complicated grammar that causes them to design complicated systems of bureaucracy. I mean, if your grammar is complicated, so must be your mentality, because you need grammar to think, grammar to express yourself. Yes that must surely be it. Fucking assholes.

 "I'm sorry dying african kid, we couldn't save you because the potential donor didn't have the correct stamp on his piece of paper. ...he did however have his Health Insurance Card with all the relevant data on it, but being not allowed to think or improvise on the job, it occurred to nobody to just swipe the card and confirm my address."

 So, now I'm about to go somewhere else, with the hope that I can sort this out today. Third time's a charm. I hope. But in this country I don't hold my breath at all. It is never easy when you have to talk to someone behind a desk. It's like they just want to waste taxpayers' money with ridiculous inefficiencies and below poor customer service. Customer comes last in this country. You wouldn't believe how many people in a service /sales / support role tell you here "Du bist ja selber schuld" which basically means, "well if there's something wrong it's your fault". Then the process is to argue with them until you have sufficiently proven to them that no, it was never your fault, and you surely don't appreciate the accusation, especially considering you are already paying for the service. Service = Help, not Service = a talking down to.

 I like my friends, I like my coworkers, I like a lot of people here, but I think anyone working on an administrative level needs to be taken into the street and executed, so that the country can just start again and design systems from the ground up (with consultation from people in other EU countries). Reform in this country is like calling a fresh coat of the wrong paint a renovation.

 Writing was supposed to calm me down.

 I guess I can go bleed the anger out of me. If they'll let me this time.... Nope. They wouldn't take my blood. Went to a nice clinic however, very professional receptionist, etc. Filled out a survey (no I don't sleep with prostitutes or gay men) and so on. It would've been nice if the secretary had a quick glance over, but anyway had to wait 30 minutes to see the doctor before the blood could be taken. She looked at my form and said "Ah, I see you put here that you were sick 2 weeks ago with food poisoning. Unfortunately you have to have been healthy for at least 4 weeks before we can take blood."

So, I left. I still have all my blood (which is no longer boiling but still lukewarm towards to Germans) and just to spite them I'm gonna go buck-wild in the brothel tonight. (well ok, not really). What further drives me crazy is when you just constructively criticise some systems here in Germany, and all you get are people defending old, archaic systems instead of thinking ahead - "wouldn't it be nice if ...?" Nope. "Well it's always been this way, and the reasons for it are...." Hence the comment about reform being nothing more than a fresh coat of paint over top of a stinky, mouldy wall.

 Anyway, now getting to the title of this post, in the end, I found out that there is a LGBT centre in the gay district that does €10 anonymous HIV testing (this whole blood donation thing was actually to put a new girlfriend's mind at ease that I don't have HIV) and you just need to go there and get it done. Ok. 

So I arrive and there's a sign saying "Please respect that this facility is here for the LGBT community"... i.e. not for just anyone. So, knowing Germans, if I were to say "Look. I'm straight but I just need a test, ok? I'm here, and here's my cash." I would possibly get turned away. I was not willing to take that chance. So, yes, in the end I had to make up a story when I was asked: "So, what happened? What brings you here today?"

 "So yeah, well, I was out at a bar right, and got chatting with this guy. Nice enough guy. Friendly and so forth. We got chatting, pleasant conversation. At some point the topic moved to marijuana and he asked me if I'd like to go back to his place and smoke some. So I said why not. Anyway, the next bit is a bit of a blur, but long story short before I knew it I had a cock in my mouth."

 "You know it's almost impossible to get HIV from a blowjob, right?"
-  Oh really? No, I didn't.
 "Well, anyway, the results are in. You're negative."  

You're goddamn right I'm negative!

Preamble

I've been in Germany for 7 years. I 'm Canadian. I am not alone in saying "Germany is for Germans" and that despite this country having many nice things to offer, sometimes it's easy to feel that Germany would be really great if there weren't so many Germans in it. Many people tell me I have had unbelievably bad luck with bureaucrats, customer service, and women. I can't really say, so I thought I'd just start posting my observations, stories, and often rants because after 7 years in Berlin and now having moved to Munich, I think I finally snapped and don't really give a shit anymore what the locals think of me. "I'm just a foreigner" anyway, so already coming from a rich country, if I get deported for such outrageous points of view, perhaps it's just one less decision I have to make, but ultimately this blog is about venting frustration and hopefully getting some Germans to see themselves finally from a different point of view.

WARNING: Some really harsh things may get said. If you get offended it's probably because your ego is too big and simultaneously too fragile. In the land of so-called order and justice, there's a lot of ridiculously unfair things that happen here. After each time my soul whimpers when some random German barks at me, I guess all I can tell you, dear Reader is: "Das sollen Sie nicht so persönlich nehmen."