Was coerced into doing sexual acts I expressed I did not want to take part in, as I was in the midst of trying to fend off an anxiety attack.
After having my hand forced down her pants 3 times, I (am a man after all), relented and began to stimulate her there, somehow in this state of anxiety thinking "well I do her this favour now, and favour repays favour in kind. But I really don't want to be here right now." It went on for 30 minutes. My hand was hurting. I was not in a good state of mind. I had to politely and light-heartedly say "um... are you almost there?"
She jumped off of me and told me to fuck off. I then went ballistic in my mind. Instead, I left the room. Cooked us some dinner. Came back. She said she wasn't hungry.
I just said "if you don't have any idea as to why I am so completely enraged and pissed off with you, you can leave right now". She left. From my Canadian perspective where the absence of an explicit "yes" actually then means NO, I felt I had just been insulted after having been raped minutes before.
(True, it's hard to rape a man, and to be honest, the psychological damage is less than the regret you feel after waking up to realize you shouldn't have opened that last bottle of wine. Still. We men hear about equality and no means no, and so on, so purely on principle this goes both ways.)
We didn't speak for a week. We met yesterday.
Fails to see her role in me losing my shit completely, and kept talking about how aggressive I was and how this tone is not something she can deal with. Her rape victim. Didn't say sorry for her part in it going sideways, just focused on this tone, and how this tone broke her trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment